The Importance of Effective Listening
“You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?” I thought “That’s a strange way for my partner to start a conversation…”
We know that meaningful and effective listening is essential to our function and growth as people. However, today’s insistence on speedy interactions has undoubtedly produced quicker results but at the expense of quality and resilience.
The Impact of Instant Gratification on Communication
These days we want our food, coffee, music, fashion and impulse purchases in an instant. So communication, like many other aspects of our lives, has been affected by our increasingly insatiable desire for speed. The impulse for instant gratification can be seen in the rise in popularity of instant messaging. While getting questions or comments out quickly does have its benefits, all too often we focus solely on what we say rather than what we hear.
Hearing vs. Listening: The Key Difference
Just so we are crystal clear here, people: listening is not the same as hearing. While hearing is a physiological process, effective listening is a conscious process that requires us to be mentally attentive. Effective listening is more than a simple mental process; to ‘hear,’ the listener must not only understand what is being said verbally but also the non-verbal communication that informs what is said. This refers to the communication goals of both sender and listener, and the context framing the act of speech.
How Much Are We Really Listening?
Think about how much information you get every day from listening. Your partner, your colleagues, your friends, and your children may communicate with you often. But have you really thought about how much of what all these people say do you pay attention to? How much are you actually remembering from these conversations? On reflection, it could be much less than you think!
The Dangers of Distracted Listening
At times, we may act like we are listening to the other person. But the reality is that our minds are racing to other topics (what am I making for dinner this evening?, who is picking the kids up? etc. or we already planning what we’re going to say in return when there is a chance for me to speak in the conversation. What this means is that we can miss important things that the other person is saying to us.
Tips for Practicing Effective Listening
Effective listening is about making a conscious effort to hear and understand others so that you receive the complete message. To become an active listener, consider these steps:
Pay Attention:
- Make eye contact with the person speaking.
- Focus on the conversation by ignoring outside distractions (e.g., other conversations, the television, your phone).
- Be fully present by putting your thoughts on hold.
Resist the Urge to Plan Responses:
- Avoid planning your response while the other person is still speaking.
- Practice staying in the moment. It may be difficult at first, but it improves with time.
How to Show You’re Listening
We also need to show the other person that we are listening to them. We can nod our heads, smile, and say “yes” occasionally. All of these signals let the other person know that you’re still with them.
